Improve Your Communication

(Just in Time for Valentine’s Day)!

 

Finding yourself often getting in circular arguments where you feel frustrated and unable to get your point across? Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) (Linehan, 2015)* focuses on improving effective interpersonal communication.

 

Use the DEARMAN skill to assertively communicate your needs and maximize your ability to share with the people closest to you.

 

What to do:

 

D- describe just the facts!

“Valentine’s Day is coming up and we have made last minute plans for the past two years.”

 

E- express how it makes you feel.

“I feel unimportant and frustrated when this happens.”

 

A- assert what you want to be different.

“I would like us to make plans earlier this year.”

 

R- reinforce why would they want to do this.

“This would make me feel really loved and we would both enjoy it more without the stress.”

 

How to do it:

 

M- mindfully.

(If they say: “It’s just a commercial holiday.”)

“I get that you don’t love the holiday. I’d still really appreciate planning something small together.”

 

A- appear confident.

Use a calm tone, steady voice, and no apologizing.

 

N- negotiate.

“If dinner out feels like too much, maybe we could cook together or plan a special night in?”

 

*Linehan, M.M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.